WWE Raw Live Blog (04-02-2012): The Night After Rasslemania

Welcome to the inaugural WWE Raw Live Blog: The Post-Wrestlemania edition! Updated live as the show progresses, with pictures past & present, & a few historic references. (Yes, I know it's tape delayed in the West Coast & it's not really "live" at this point. Haven't read any spoilers yet. So shut up.)

Opening Segment: Johnny Ace Laurinaitis introduces himself as Raw's new overlord...

- He promises "people power", power he won't abuse. Cool!

- CM Punk confronts Laurinaitis & calls him a toolbag. If it were me, I'd call him a pompous douchebag hypocrite McMahon ass-kissing whore, PG-rating be damned, but that's just me. Hey Punk, what happened to the promise of "change"?
- Johnny takes it in stride, so much to the point that he announces a WWE title match between Punk & Mark Henry, tonight! Hooray for not abusing your power!

Raw opens. The Rock makes his way to the ring, greeted by cheers from the Miami crowd...

- Crowd: "You still got it!" Yes, he still does.

- "Finally, The Rock HAS COME BACK... home". Yeah, but for how long until the next movie gig comes along?
- Rock thanks Cena (crowd boos, yeah!) & the MILLIONS of Rock's fans for last night.

- Rock: "How bad do you have to suck to get cut from the CANADIAN FOOTBALL LEAGUE?" Bad enough to end up in pro wrestling, right? But you made it to top anyway thanks to that million-dollar babyface...

- Sorry, wrong babyface, LOL.

- Rock proclaims that this is "just the beginning" & he vows to become WWE Champion once again. So you ARE back for good, then?!? Jesus, stop the c*cktease, already!

Later tonight: WWJCD? If you're thinking Jesus, I don't blame you... "He" is the WWE's chosen one, after all.

Next: WWE U.S. Title Match - Santino (champ) vs. Jack Swagger (w/Vickie Guerrero) vs. Dolph Ziggler (w/Vickie Guerrero) in a Triple Threat Match

(Commercial break)

- The face (Santino) vs. the two heel members of Team Johnny. How will Santino overcome the odds?

(Another commercial break)

RANDOM WWE THOUGHT: Edge headlined the 2012 WWE Hall of Fame, but my personal fave has to be The Four Horsemen. The original heel faction that made heel factions cool (even before the nWo & D-X), they got me hooked on wrestling in the first place. Even though they were overshadowed by the nWo during this time, they still had the swagger & aura of invincibility (before the nWo buried them in & out of the ring, of course).

- Anyways, Santino survives the double-team long enough to strike Ziggler w/the Cobra & retain his title. As he makes his escape from the heels, he gets help at the top of the stage by no other than the White Flash Funk, Brodus Clay! Clay strikes down Ziggler & scares off the heels. Then he, Santino & the White Funkettes get down! How totally original!

(Commercial break)

Next: The re-debut of Prince Albert aka A-Train aka his new gimmick "Lord Tensai", w/Sakamoto vs. poor Alex Riley.

- Nice piercing, Albert. Glad to see that some things don't change.

(Lord Tensai in 2012)

(Lord Tensai back in 1999)

- Anyway, a slow, methodical squash, with Price Albert Tensai displaying his signature power moves. After a sitdown power bomb, the ref calls for the bell & declares Tensai the winner by KO. Post-match, he shows off his finisher, a "death grip" type move where he puts his big palm on Riley's face. Personally, I think this variation is a little more convincing...

(Commercial break)

Later on Raw: WWJCD? Will he let his "heel persona" finally shine through again? Or will an embarrased Cena overcome the odds again? Will he finally add a few new wrinkles to his Hogan-esque personality or will be the S.O.S. as usual?

Next: WWE Championship Match - A battle weary CM Punk (champion) vs. The World's Strongest Kool-Aid Man, Mark "Mizark" Henry

vs.

- The crowd is hot for this one. Mizark dominates for the vast majority of the match. Huge pops every time Punk counterattacks, but Henry counters back with a variety of power moves. B.S.-type ending where Henry counters a Punk bulldog & tosses him out of the ring. Punk retains after being counted out.

- More insult to injury as John Laurinaitis appears & promises Punk a living hell, then Jericho shows up out of nowhere & smack talks Punk before waterboarding him with Jack Daniels.

- Then Jericho culminates the occasion by smashing a second bottle of Jack over his head. Ouch!

- More smack talk about Punk's alcoholic dad & his drug addicted sister, then a commercial break.

WRESTLEMANIA THOUGHT: I didn't care for the Punk-Jericho WM storyline AT ALL. Last night's match between two Internet cult figures should've been a straight up duel to decide who is truly the best in the world, similar to Cena-Rock & HHH-Undertaker. Instead we got a mid-card level soap opera style plotline. I believe the lack of intrigue in this angle showed in the WM payoff, a good, but not great Mania-type match.

Next: Sheamus is introduced as the New World Heavyweight Champion. Boos ensue.

WRESTLEMANIA THOUGHT: Don't get all too butthurt about Daniel Bryan's 18-second embarassment at 'Mania. It's all part of the process in becoming a true WWE star; CM Punk went through the same thing when he first emerged in WWE (losing clean to Hardcore Holly, anyone?). As Triple H put it last year, if you want to be a star, you've got to win the crowd over. Outside of the Internet fanboys, Bryan hasn't really won over anyone yet.

- Before Sheamus gets in a single word, Alberto del Rio makes his return (to "Thank God" type cheers) & issues a challenge to The Great White. Del Rio's mic dies in mid-speech & is given another, only to get smacked down by Sheamus! Boos follow the new World champ on his way to the back. I'm guessing the squash hasn't sunk in yet with the crowd.

Next: Cody Rhodes vs. Kofi "South Africa" Kingston

- Just as Rhodes is about to score a quick win, the new Intercontinental champ Big Show appears & replays Rhodes' 'Mania loss on the TitanTron. Kofi capitalizes & hits the Trouble in Paradise for the 1-2-3.

WRESTLEMANIA THOUGHT: Rhodes still has his career ahead of him. Big Show, having not scored a singles win at WM, needed this much more. Good for the Show; after all the WWE has put him through throughout his career, he's earned it.

(From certified badass to The Big Nasty Bastard, to Showkishi... & back.)

(Commercial break)

Highlights from HHH-Undertaker at Hell in a Cell. Best. Match. Ever? Probably.

Some bald black dude approaches The Mizark & says his career needs a change. Why do I get the feeling this is another one of those "black power" storylines the WWE routinely fails at?

Eve Torres something something Zach Ryder something something something John Laurinaitis. Nothing more than a pretty face. Get the hook!

Next. The Miz vs. Zach Ryder

- A rematch of sorts from last night's 'Mania. Miz scored the pinfall on Ryder that gave Team Johnny the win. New night, same result. Skull Crushing Finale, 1-2-3.

Next: The Champ is Here!

- Cena appears to a loud chorus of partisan boos. Still rocking the Boston Celtics gear as he heads to the ring...

(Rise Above Hate? More like Rise Above Good Taste...)

- Cena gives himself no excuses for losing at WM. Crowd chants "You're a loser!" at John. But will this loss finally set him off? No, he says (& the crowd gives their disapproval). He promises to stay the course, so to speak. As for rumors of him calling out the Rock, Cena says no; it's already been settled (Speaking of rumors, the smarks call out the name of a certain former WWE & UFC champion). Instead, he says The Rock has earned his respect & even says that Rocky's the greatest WWE star ever. Cena stops occasionally to acknowledge the various smark chants, then says he wants to congratulate Dwayne on his victory...

- Instead of Dwayne, "The Next Big Thing" plays & Brock Lesnar appears! Loud ovation from the crowd as he hits the ring (though now as loud as it would've been without the damn Internet rumor mill). Without warning, he gives Cena an F-5 to close the show!

FINAL THOUGHTS: The moral of tonight's story? The more things change, the more the stay the same.

The immediate future lies in the past, apparently. Last year it was The Rock & Jericho, now it's Brock Lesnar. While they're at it maybe they can bring Eddie Guerrero back from the dead.

How long will it take this time for Lesnar to get sick of us & us to get sick of him? How long will Rocky call WWE "home" before Hollywood starts calling again? Can Sheamus & Daniel Bryan take the next step to superstardom while WWE barely mentions their names? Will there be anyone left after Jericho for the WWE's future (Punk) to face while the WWE's past takes up the headlines? And whatcha gonna do when Cenamania continues to run wild on you?

Tune in next week. Same Cena time, same Cena channel! Good night now!